After a year spent working at Jungle City Studios in Manhattan, NY I reached a point of diminishing returns. I simultaneously realized that I did not want to be an engineer.
If I stayed on this route without correcting, I would most definitely become one.
Around the same time I was consistently being approached by others from the studio to contract cover art. Before I knew it I had a portfolio of work and this is where the turning point came.
I knew I wanted to be an artist more than anything and I wasn't necessarily getting any closer by being an engineer. It was still just a job. But with this contracting work I was starting to make way more money than I did at the studio. I figured if a job was just a job then I might as well go get a bag, using design as a means to fund and accelarate the trajectory of my art.
As a college student there was a hard pull in this direction.
Determined to get a real job without a degree, as a junior in college I applied to 348 jobs in and around Manhattan. I got 1 opportunity to do a take home assignment. I aced it.
At that job I was exposed to a lot of different design challenges but gravitated towards UX problem solving. I continued to make and put out music as often as I could with my friends.
2 years later I was able to land my first full-time UX design postion. It was a vast lifestyle change as far as the money I earned and the comfort I was able to afford. I welcomed it. However, off the back of my first album release, which I poured all of myself into, this time was also marked by the inability to even make music. Despite the comfort my job provided me I made 7 songs in 1 year.
I knew something needed to change.
I moved back to NYC exactly a year after I arrived in Denver, coupled with a new product design job paying even more money. It seemed I was right. I made nearly 20 songs in the first month I was back.
Fast forward 2 years.
My partner and I found out we're welcoming our first baby. We've relocated across the country to California to be closer to her family and I'm on the precipace of yet another job hunt.
The job before last was supposed to be my last job before I "made it." Or at least, that's what I told myself. Through my journey as an artist I've learned that I really have no control over when I "make it." The only things I can control is my effort and attitude. I've learned the hard way that using things outside my control as a barometer for my happiness or self-worth is a recipe for disaster.
I've actually come to value the allevation of pressure for my music to succeed that my job provides me.
All in all it seems my ideal life is actually just a series of ideal days stacked in perpetuity. I'm not crticizing myself for the approach I've taken. It has it's own advantages and drawbacks. However, I think I'm over anything as a means to an end. I think I should just have a great day. Not sacrifice until my days are great.
Job hunt
I've been pulling my portfolio together in preparation for my next job. When I look back on the design work I've done the only work I'm truly proud of is work I've done myself.
This is a clear signal that I need to work on things more closely aligned with my personal ethos'.
Throughout my career as a musician it has always been evident that the more I can strive towards who I am without performance, the more successful I am, the happier I am with the work I produce, and the more people connect with my truth. There is only one me, after all.
I have no idea why I've compartmentalized so hard but this concept has only recently become evident to me as it applies to what I do for money.
So moving forward...how might I look at myself for all the value I bring to the world? I'm sure there is an opportunity I can find at the cross-section of my passions, offering a way to serve people with my unique set of gifts.
Music is something I will always do. It's part of me and something I will do with or without an audience. I will continue to pursue a career as a recording artist for as long as I am able. In the meantime, becuase I have no idea how long the meantime will be, I'll no longer compromise who I am or what I think is valuable or good for 8 hours a day. My promise to my self, my family, and all those that love me is I won't accept less than I feel capable of in my next role.
Continued
When I was recording the podcast weekly with Will we had a talk about what it is we want to want. It spurred a couple of longer journal sessions regarding what we want out of life in many facets. At one point I wrote down everything I wanted in a potential partner, as explicitly as I could. I filled up three pages.
At the time I had no intentions of dating anyone. I did the practice to understand what it was I actually wanted becuase I feel like most people don't really know. I feel like I didn't know until I took the time to sit down and write it down.
I met Gena about 6 months after writing that entry. After a couple months of dating it was really cool to dig up the entry and show her that she checked literally every box I had written down. It still amazes me.
I share that story becuase I think it's valuable fodder for the practice of outlining what I want out of my next role.
My next role
I want a role that:
- Wants me for my ideas, not my ability to work
- Allows me flexibility to do all the things I care about
- Cares about making the right way, every time
- Optimizes for greater than money or metrics
- Prioritizes design thinking as a company and understands the power of design
- Meets at the cross-section of my passions
- health and wellness
- creative tools
- music
- Pays me not less than 10% outside of 200k yearly
possible scenarios checking these boxes:
- working at apple on logic or apple music and experimental work flows for musicians
- working at a plug-in company
- working at teenage engineering as a physical product designer
- working at apple on apple fitness or sleep
- working at whoop
- working at strava
- working in health care
I'll be back in a few months to report how this turned out.